Today I got a pedicure. And...and...wait for it...I SHAVED MY LEGS. I'll give you a moment to recover.
Okay, are you conscious again? Good. Yes, I did indeed shave my legs--both of them, and not just from the knee down.
Behold, the pedicured feet:
(And to anyone looking at the above picture and going, "Ew. Look at those callouses! Those bunnions! Ew. Why would she post a picture of such ugly feet? To you, I say, "SUCK IT, SISTER! I said a got a PEDICURE, not a damn miracle!")
So why all of this sudden uncharacteristic girly-girlishness?
The practical reason: I'm going to a wedding reception tomorrow evening.
I've gone through all sorts of emotions leading up to this fete. It's hard for me right now to be happy for anyone, especially someone in love. Someone beginning a life with another person, taking vows to have and to hold, so forth and so on. Part of me wants to warn them, or worse, spit in their direction and snort, "Huh. We'll see how long THIS lasts." (So, I'm a nasty bitch. If you're reading this, chances are you know me and are not all that surprised.)
There is also a larger portion of me that fervently wishes them happiness. That hopes their hearts will never ache the way mine is aching. That they'll never find themselves in totally unfamiliar emotional terrain and wonder how the hell they got there and how the hell they'll make it out.
Despite all of the turmoil in me, I have decided to go to this thing, to wish the lovers well, and by god, to look fabulous doing so. Yesterday I went shopping. I shopped all day and didn't find a damn thing. Until, in a last ditch effort, I entered the Dress Barn.
Now let me just say, "Dress Barn" is a terrible name for a women's clothing store. This is why I almost didn't go in at all. Because I already feel like a cow, there's absolutely no reason on Earth I'd want to shop at a store with the word "barn" in its name. But I was desperate, and so I went in.
Instead of finding a suitable dress for the occasion, I found five. I couldn't decide. So I bought them all. FIVE DRESSES.
In order to appreciate the enormity of this expenditure, you have to realize that the last time I bought a dress, an actual, honest to goodness dress, was in 2000. This is a big step for me.
So tomorrow night, I will be wearing one of those dresses, HEELS (*insert another collective gasp from the peanut gallery*), legs and underarms freshly shorn of all hair, and toenails painted.
Which leads me to the other reason for the recent self makeover: the emotional reason.
There's something about careful grooming that just makes a person feel good.
What is that quote about looking good being the best revenge? Oh yeah, I think it goes, "Looking good is the best revenge." So anyway, it was either that or sell her panties on Ebay, so I'm going to stick with looking good. ;)
Ha ha. Kidding. Of course. The other quote I know about revenge is that the most complete revenge is forgiveness. And that's the one I'm really going for.
But it doesn't hurt to forgive in a new dress, heels, and pretty painted toenails, am I right?! ;)