In the midst of the chaos.

It's 3:30 in the afternoon, and so far my self-professed day of cleaning has not progressed past the kitchen. Oops.

Dishes are done, progress has been made on the laundry pile, and floors and counters have been cleaned. I have been diligently avoiding the hardest hit areas of the house, however, which at the moment happen to be the bathroom and Eliot's room.

The bathroom is a nightmare because Eliot finally learned to pee standing up, and unfortunately, he likes to swing his goods from side to side while doing so in order to see how many bubbles he can make in the toilet. Often he gets carried away with the swinging. Awesome.

I shudder to step inside his room because his well-meaning uncle, knowing Eliot's obsession with all things farming, purchased for him a fully functioning grain bin with trucks that drive underneath to be loaded. Needless to say, one cannot play with these fabulous toys without some type of grain. First it was split peas, then rice. I finally vacuumed up the split peas months ago, yet every once in awhile, I'll still step on something hard with my bare feet and lo and behold, there's a split pea stuck between my toes. There are now mounds and piles of rice in his carpet and stray grains turning up in every nook and cranny. In my shoes, in the couch cushions, in the book that I was reading... Rice. Everywhere. Love it.

Despite what a total wreck this place is, how nearly every room of my house looks like a tornado flung action figures and tractors and little plastic farm animals in a haphazard path, I get the feeling that one day I'll miss this.

I will miss the lid of the toilet always being up. I will miss getting out of bed in the dark and painfully stepping on a fire truck. I will miss hearing the quiet footsteps in the middle of the night and a whispered voice beside my bed saying, "Mommy, can you make a space for me?

At times I have to throw my hands up and sit down amongst the mess, and just take a moment to breathe. I have to absorb this. Soak it up while I can. Nothing lasts forever. Some of the things in my life that I thought were forever, weren't. So right now, and for the rest of my life, I'm going to take the time to stop and breathe and just enjoy what is now. Now is crazy. Now is a mess. Now is damp towels on the floor and globs of toothpaste in the sink and a Spiderman electric spinning toothbrush that's somehow gone missing.

Now I'm here, present in the chaos of my life, and somehow...I'm pretty happy.

And now...I've gotta go vacuum up some rice. Wish me luck.


Amy said...

Funny, funny ... today I have been doing the same thing - that is, turning around chasing my tail wondering where the best place is to start!

chksngr said...

I flippin love this! I'm so in touch with it too! You spoke right to my heart...I will miss saying "get down" a thousand times a day, and finding crayons and action figures on the kitchen table and how much he loves Friday's because it means pizza and a bedtime story in mommy's big bed! Thanks for reminding me to be present in THIS season of my life!