Spam I am.

I rarely ever get actual email anymore. You know, from real people. I get floods of advertisements from places I've shopped online, places I haven't shopped online, places I never want to shop online, etc. And the obligatory prescription drug and porn spam. I always get my hopes up when yahoo tells me I have (8) messages in my inbox, and then I blow out a frustrated breath of air and roll my eyes when I see that, yet again, it's just a bunch of junk. Except just now I was delighted to log in and find a message from one Aileen Gomez whose subject line promised me that by opening the email, I could "get a bigger copulation organ today." How exciting! And timely, because coincidentally, I was just bemoaning the smallness of my copulation organ and wondering what I could do to get a bigger one.

But seriously, I love that phrase "copulation organ." Has that phrase ever been used before in the history of humankind? I can only imagine that it's supposed to entice me to open the email out of curiosity to know exactly what a copulation organ IS. It's so much more subtle and classy than those subject lines that proclaim, "Enhance your penis naturally!" or "safe and fast penis enlargement." Because a copulation organ almost sounds like it could be a musical instrument. (I have to suppose it's a woodwind.) I honestly had to restrain myself from clicking on it. I really wanted to click. Like, to reward the spammer for his/her creativity.

And, as a bonus, I now have a new phrase to add to my vocabulary. This could do wonders for my dirty talk. I think I'll practice tonight--"Honey," I'll whisper in a deep, throaty voice, "Would you like me to stroke your copulation organ?"

That is SO sexy.