Words of wisdom.

I've been reading Sh*t My Dad Says by Justin Halpern, and it's so funny and wrong at the same time. I hadn't heard of Halpern until I picked up his book in Barnes & Noble, but apparently he began with a Twitter stream and gained a ridiculous amount of followers in no time. Not surprising, because his dad is hilarious, but in a brutal, "I can't peel my eyes away from that train wreck" kind of way. Every quote I read makes me laugh out loud while simultaneously thanking the universe that I wasn't born to that man.

Apparently a CBS television series is going to come of this as well, so we'll see how that pans out. I'm not so sure about the show, however, as most of Halpern's dad's zingers are a little more Comedy Central and less CBS. Take just one of Halpern's recent tweets, for example, wherein his father is quoted on his service in Vietnam: "War hero? No. I was a doc in Vietnam. My job was to say "This is what happens when you screw a hooker, kid. Put this cream on your pecker."

Lovely sentiment, eh?

Anyway, reading the book has me thinking about the sage words of advice passed down to me from my own parents. My dad has always said, "Some days you get the bear and some days the bear gets you." I love that one. It's so Dad. A little bit of sympathy, but mixed with just the right amount of perspective. It's like his concise way of saying I understand that you had a crappy day, but get over yourself already. It happens to everyone. Tomorrow will be better. Or it won't.

Other gems I remember from my childhood and adolescence = my ever-practical step-dad's "Always shit on company time," and my dear mother's "I can slap you from here."

If that isn't advice to live by, I don't know what is.