Color me happy.

We keep changing our minds on paint colors for the new house. The office is finished, decided, done. The color of the walls in every other room still hangs in the balance. I start off browsing paint chips, thinking for our bedroom I want to go with something warm and slightly orange. But the names of the colors distract me, and I end up fixating on paint chips with names like "warm comfort."

Ah, yes, of course "warm comfort" is the color with which I should surround myself. Isn't it obvious? "Warm comfort" with perhaps an accent wall of "misty memories."

Except that "warm comfort" and "misty memories" are both purple. I can't abide purple. I don't know why--it's just always been my least favorite color. I've been a big fan of green for years. And all earth tones in general. But lately I've been more of an orange lover, and brown. Brown is also my friend.

And yet, I find myself drawn to "distance" and "quiet storm," both in the blue color family. And who wouldn't love to wake up every morning to walls of "warm muffin" or "bagel"? (Except that they're both the color formerly known as yellow.)

This is my dream job--naming shades of paint. When I grow up, this is what I want to do. Obviously the goal is to find a designation that conjures up warm and fuzzy feelings from people, so much so that they purchase the paint (which cannot be returned) before realizing that it is in fact some hideous shade of putrid baby vomit. Then, ideally, they'll fall in love with another brilliantly named hue to cover their putrid baby vomit walls. I already have some great ideas.

How about "alopecia"? It will be a lovely buff color, with just a hint of peachiness. It's got a ring to it, doesn't it? Thought so.

Next up, "burnt hominy," the color of unhappiness. Yellow.

For the green family, we will have "verdad" representin'. As in, "honestly, that is the ugliest shade of green I've ever seen in my life."

Round things out with "montrous hunger pangs," otherwise known as brown, and "truthiness," a coordinating off-white color.

And finally, "delirium." It will be purple.