Ridiculous things to say to a classroom full of college freshmen.

"Procrastination is an evil monkey."

"If you don't understand the assignment, please come and see me during my office hours...sometimes I have candy. I'm like the witch from Hansel and Gretel. Pleeeze, cheeldren...come into my office. My desk is made of peppermint sticks."

"If you're feeling overwhelmed, break the assignment down into small tasks. Set small goals and reward yourself for acheiving them. For example, promise yourself that you'll work on revising your thesis statement tonight and then when you finish, eat a brownie. Just one brownie, NOT THE WHOLE PAN OF BROWNIES." **and then, pointing a slow, surveying finger around the room**: "You know who you are."

Sadly, these are just examples of the dumbass things I've actually uttered out loud to one of my classes THIS WEEK ALONE. Note that today is only Tuesday.

However, I'm feeling pretty suave, since one of my colleagues (who shall remain nameless) popped in today to share her/his concern that she/he will surely be sued over having asked a class which presidential candidate they felt was mostly likely to have sex with animals.

Clearly there are some contenders around here for the stupid teacher of the year award. And I thought I had it in the bag.


Adriane said...

Actually I think your comments are cute, and it is only the teachers who had the cute comments that I now remember. My English teacher James Krumrey in college teaching about the use of a comma starting dancing and singing the famous Boy George song "Comma-Comma Chameleon". And of course I will never forget the lesson from my A&P professor, Paul Lobek when teaching the collagen and elastin content of bones. Collagen is hard and can only be destroyed by acid. Elastin is spongy and can be burned. So kids if you want to kill someone and get rid of the evidence, burn them, and pour acid over the bones!

Sis said...

Did said teacher say what animal, because I think I have a couple answers for that.