It's 4:20 a.m., I can't sleep, and I have a few things to get off my chest:
1. Over the past few years, I have completely neglected to write thank you cards. There's really no excuse for it. My momma raised me better than that.
2. Sometimes I have orgasms in my sleep. The last time it happened, I was dreaming that I was eating a really good piece of cake. Yes, I like cake that much. Apparently.
3. I don't like dogs. I don't care how cute they are. I just can't respect an animal that has no respect for itself. And if your puppy is wearing a sweater with "I'm spoiled" spelled out in rhinestones, and you are carrying it in a purse...that kind of makes me want to kick your puppy.
4. I feel guilty about sometimes throwing away items that are recyclable, but I do it anyway, mostly because I'm lazy.
5. I truly do believe that my own kid is the coolest kid in the world. I realize that makes me that Mom. I don't care.
Okay, now that I've gotten all that off my chest, perhaps I can get some sleep. Thanks a million, Internet.