From the misty haze of Vicodin comes a mostly coherent blog post.

Last week my back started hurting, just on the lower right side, and I assumed I had pulled a muscle. I didn't remember having pulled a muscle, but that's what it felt like. And it didn't go away, and it didn't go away, and then I started feeling achy all over and having the chills. By Saturday evening, I was curled up in the fetal position in bed, sure that I was dying, and Eliot was yelling, "I NEED juice!" and I was moaning.

He came into the bedroom and said, "Wake up, Mommy!"

I groaned, "Mommy is sick."

He replied, "You're not sick; you're Mommy!"

Yeah, I wish it worked that way. Somehow, my mother-in-law swooped in to take care of the small boy, and as soon as I heard her hit the door, I succumbed to a pain-induced coma. Or I might have just fallen asleep. Whatever.

Sometime in the night, I woke shivering and begging Eli to layer more quilts on top of me.

Then, at 5:00 a.m., no longer able to sleep, I finally admitted I needed to go to the emergency room. I was sure I had swine flu. Oink.

Two hours later, after peeing in a cup and settling back on a hospital cot watching reruns of Law & Order, I found out I had a kidney infection.

The good people of the E.R. pumped me full of intravenous antibiotics and painkillers and sent me home. We were all relieved that I didn't have anything contagious.

Grandma stayed to take care of Eliot (Eli was working 12 hour shifts this weekend), and I was free to sleep and wake to take more Vicodin, play with Mog, sleep...

We built a state-of-the-art parking garage for Mog's cars.



Unfortunately, a monster fish came and ate part of the garage, and some of the cars got lost in the block forest trying to escape.





But luckily, the fort lick was able to move blocks, clearing a path to freedom for Lightning Keen.

What, you've never heard of a fort lick before? Sure you have! It has prongs and it lifts pallets. It looks like this:



It's so much fun to watch Eliot's imagination grow. He has begun playing differently, making up storylines to his games, having his cars talk to one another.

I couldn't help but be cheered by him, even yesterday in the midst of a Vicodin haze, battling a wicked painful



We talked about the blocks, what colors they were, what letters they had on them, what words we know that begin with each letter.

And just maybe, that little boy will grow up to be a real



just like his mommy.

"No," he says, "When I grow up, I'm gonna be a farmer."

I can do greener.

I think that part of my general dissatisfaction with life lately stems from the gigantic gap between my beliefs and my actions. I talk the talk in so many areas of my life, but I rarely walk the walk.

Not putting my beliefs into action has led to a good amount of self-hatred, self-pity, and a spiraling self-, self-, self-fixation and generalized uckiness.

So. In the interest of making peace and finding balance, I challenge myself to do better. But! I need something concrete on which to focus my effort. I can't just say, "Oh I'll try to do better." Because inevitably, I won't. I won't try, and I won't do.

My first attempt, then, at putting belief into action is going to be a small one (baby steps!), something I feel like I can do and continue doing and feel good about.

From here on out--no more plastic bags!

What?

No more plastic bags.

I own plenty of market bags, tote bags and what have you. I don't need to bring more plastic bags home from the grocery store or from Wal-mart. They clutter up my cabinets because I can't bring myself in good conscience to throw them in the trash, but I never get around to recycling them.

Environmentalism is something that makes sense to me. It's something that I pay lip service to, but that rarely figures into how I live my life and the choices I make. No more!

So from now on, I'm keeping my reusable market bags in the car, and I will NOT go into the store without them. If I do, I'll go back out and get them. If I don't have enough to carry all my purchases, I will make fewer purchases. If I leave them at home, I'll shop the next day.

I realize not using plastic bags is a teensy, tiny progression toward the greener life I should be living--I want to be living. But, like I said--baby steps.

And, come on, let's not forget this other very important contribution to the earth that I make on a regular basis.

2.

Today is my 2nd blogoversary.

Two years ago today, I was sinking in a sea of post-partum depression, going crazy with the monotony of diaper changes and feedings, feeling cut off from the world. I sat down at my computer and carved out a space where I could start to get sane. My own little world built from the repetition of ones and zeroes. So simple, and so complex.

I'm still here.

Thank you, Al Gore. I'm so glad you invented the Internet.

Your hair was long when we first met.

Listening to:

Color me happy.

Donned my boots and took a bit of a nature walk today. As you can see, I have trouble minding the rules.



Ahem. But I promise, I did not do any trapping. Just walking, taking in the colors of fall and breathing the delicious country air. ;)



Life is good today, and not just because I had a piece of chocolate meringue pie after lunch.


(well hello there, pretty blue flower!)

Coming out of yoga class this morning, I saw a little something on the sidewalk, something I first thought was a clod of dirt. As I got closer, I started to think it was a lizard, and I bent down, curious. It was a baby turtle, stuck on its back, right on the sidewalk near the entrance of the student rec center. She (or he, of course I don't know) was struggling in vain to right her tiny little self. I picked her up and put her right side up in the grass, out of the way of the walking traffic. Good luck, little turtle! May the force be with you!


(Sadly, my camera phone insisted on focusing on the ground rather than the turtle.)

I sort of felt like nature had smiled at me in some small way. I headed off to a counseling appointment with a considerably lighter step.


(ah, beans--the lifeblood of Illinois farmers!)

Later, after a yummy lunch with a friend, and three (three!) cups of coffee, I went to my art history class, which is really getting interesting. Unfortunately, we're also getting closer to the first exam, on which I'm quite sure I will embarrass myself. But then as I was walking to my car, the air full of light mist, I reached up to brush my hair back out of my face and what did my hand come away with but the brightest little yellow leaf I think I've ever seen! It had fallen without me feeling it, right onto the top of my head. :)

I practically skipped to my car.


(a not so stinky collection)

So, hey, make a wish today! You never know. The universe just might grant it.



(Oh how I wish Seth were sitting here to give me a snarky roll of the eyes so I could then grin and kick him! ;) )
All my love,
Rachel

Just scrapping along.

Playing with the Studio Calico kit:




This one's been lying on my table since the last crop I went to at Daisy Lane. It's one of those I played around with forever and was never happy with. Finally just glued it all down. Done, and done! :)

Licking the beaters.

Licking the beaters. from Rachel on Vimeo.

So I realized belatedly that there's no audio here. I don't have any idea what happened to it, but just to distill the whole thing for you, it basically consists of me baiting Eliot into saying the word "chocolate" repeatedly, a word that comes out of his mouth garbled and sounding something like "cock it," which makes me laugh. And then I tell him he's 100% awesome and he agrees with me.

Also, the video is wayy too long for anyone but this kid's mother to sit through, AND a good portion of it is sideways. So if you do hit "play," just don't say I didn't warn you.

That is all.